One of the more challenging aspects of teaching Kung Fu is how people react and their beliefs around mistakes—no matter how often I remind them there are no such things as mistakes or doing it wrong. Most of the time, what someone is doing is just not what we are doing now. Up windmills are not wrong; we are just doing down windmills for this lesson.

Unfortunately, no matter how I say it, many go straight to guilt, shame, and continuous loathing of the mistake and themselves when blunders are made. In life, we do the same thing. How many of you still emotionally beat yourself up over errors you made? We need a new way of looking at mistakes.

I understand mistakes to be Accelerated Learning Experiences.

If you think about it, mistakes accelerate and move you along your journey faster.

When you are walking and you trip over something, you move along the path faster. The problem is that instead of appreciating the acceleration, many feel shame, guilt, embarrassment, and anger at what tripped them and how they looked.

These are the protective habits, beliefs, and addictions that stop us from appreciating the lessons to be learned from mistakes.

The most destructive response is, “You should have known better.” Even if you were a child, innocent, confused, scared, never learned, or you were in survival mode, we tell ourselves we should have known—somehow, you should be “perfect.”

What these protections are actually doing is stopping you from growing.

How would your life be different if you saw the mistake as a lesson you would not have learned otherwise?

I never would have known…

I never would have understood…

I never would have seen…

I never would have learned…

So many lessons would be lost if not for the mistakes I made.

The next time you make a mistake:

• Listen— to how it affected others
• Apologize— for your part
• Acknowledge—what happened and how it affected others
• Take responsibility—for your part
• Repair— any damage, if possible
• And above all, ask yourself:

“What valuable lesson did I just learn that I would otherwise not have learned without making this mistake?” 

Whatever the learning is, receive it as if someone just gave you a hundred-dollar bill you dropped. You would accept it with gratitude and deep appreciation.

In summary, I believe your fighting and life would greatly improve if you embraced the following truths:

1. Mistakes are accelerated learning opportunities.
2. I learned something I would not have learned if not for the mistake.  
3. All learnings should be received as if I am accepting a valuable treasure I misplaced.  

BTW, having this conversation is a powerful way to help children understand that they may not have learned the lesson without the mistake so they don’t grow up holding on to guilt and shame for the rest of their lives. 

What are your thoughts?

In Kung Fu San Soo classes, we are working on being and staying close to our opponent. The advantages of this principle are numerous. The closer you are, the more opportunities there are:

• Overwhelming your opponent
• Limiting damage from their punches and kicks
• Free hand, free limb, and vital areas are accessible
• Opponent can’t always see what is coming
• Openings to use alternative fighting movements:
• • Biting
  • Spitting (for distraction)
  • Head butts
  • Elbows
  • Inside knees to inner thighs
  • Skin grabs

To be effective with close fighting, you have to be comfortable with being extremely close and okay with taking up someone’s space. You can’t fight to get away; your closeness is to fight to hurt.

While some techniques may require adjustments, virtually everything practiced in our standard workout can be executed up close or on the ground.

Because Kung Fu San Soo is a holistic Martial Art, being close to your opponent has to translate into a real-life application. To me, being close to my opponent is synonymous with being connected to someone.

One of the ways we connect is with our words. If you communicate with the intention to connect, your words are heard, and we listen without the wall of the protected Ego.

Because I want to connect (and closeness is part of the art), when I talk to someone, in my mind’s eye or visualization, I picture myself close to them, touching them in a comforting way. Sometimes, it is as simple as a visualized handshake or as intimate as a hug.

Seeing yourself close to someone, even though you are actually a comfortable distance apart, is felt by others and helps them feel safe in the conversation. 

For example, I have a friend who does not like to be hugged, so when I see them, I greet them with a handshake, fist bump, or caring, respectful words. At the same time, I visualize myself giving them a hug. On a few occasions, they have commented that our handshakes feel like hugs, and they appreciate feeling comfortable when we talk.

I also practice this when I’m in a challenging conversation, or there is a misunderstanding between myself and someone else.

Try this visualization technique the next time you are in conversation with someone and see the difference in how you communicate and connect.

This is all possible because in Kung Fu San Soo we are okay with being physically close to someone and them to us.

According to City-Data.com, the number of adults who know how to defend themselves is well below 1%. This statistic might come as a surprise, particularly for those deeply immersed in the world of martial arts.

If you're well-versed in safety, self-defense, and various fighting styles, it's easy to assume that everyone possesses some form of self-protection know-how. However, the reality is quite the opposite.

During a recent visit to Los Angeles, I witnessed a physical altercation that left me astounded. Both participants seemed to have just enough martial arts training or had watched enough MMA fights to create chaos, but neither knew how to defend themselves effectively. Consequently, onlookers intervened, primarily to prevent them from causing harm to themselves.

I'm not passing judgment on whether the fact that most people lack fighting skills is good or bad. I'm simply providing a heads-up. If you ever find yourself in a situation escalating into a physical confrontation, having practical street-fighting experience will be a significant advantage.

For those who have let their training lapse, it's worth considering a return to sharpen these critical self-protection skills. Even if there's a good chance your adversary won't be well-versed in personal safety, it's essential to ensure that you are.

Although we have talked about this many times, I still see fighters “someplace else“ when you are supposed to be in the moment in your body and present in the workout.

Allowing your energy to leave the moment is a form of protection you don’t need, and I would like you to change.

Instead of holding your breath (being in protective mode) and allowing your weight to rise (your energy begins to leave), you lean back slightly (you’re gone.)

I’d like you to practice being present, allowing your energy to stay in the moment, being curious, embracing the situation, allowing closeness to be a comfort, and practicing remaining present in the face of the unknown.

As soon as you walk into the studio, practice being there, don’t wait until I bring you to the moment by acknowledging your presence or calling the class to order. You take that responsibility and bring yourself to the moment, grounding yourself, feeling your energy, thoughts, and body lining up and being there.

Another practice to embrace the unknown would be at night, when your house is dark, look around, find the darkest corner, and stand in that corner, becoming the darkness.
Breathe, set your weight, and remain there until you connect to it.

As fighters, we embrace the unknown by becoming the unknown.

We remain present with curiosity, courage and by allowing our breathing to ground us with each breath.

Be here now by trusting your intuition and training to work in harmony.
Be in this moment not to finish it, but to enjoy it, finding opportunities and possibilities for your greatest good.

And although we desire no harm to anyone, when the anticipation of the storm is felt, the source of the pending storm is you.

In San Soo, the Art of Letting Go lies in one’s ability to give up their attachment to a move, technique, thoughts, and perception—immediately.

San Soo is a balance of holding and releasing, forward movement and yielding, attacking and defending. 

A fighter cannot realize this balance—Yin/Yang—without knowing when, how, and what to Let Go of. 

How often do you find yourself holding on to your opponent’s clothing when you could be using that hand to cause pain? How many times have you been so attached to a movement that you miss the 10 others right in front of you?

The Art of Letting Go lies in your awareness of not trying to win or lose but building knowledge, presence, courage, and character.

The greatest lesson in the Art of Letting Go is in releasing your judgments of self.

Let go of the abusive thoughts that beat you up about:

• Not being perfect
• Not getting the lesson easily
• An incorrect move
• Getting hit
• Winning or losing in a confrontation

These things happen to everyone, we all have strengths and challenges, and you are not uniquely flawed.

I would like you to practice the Art of Letting Go in the studio as well as in your personal life.

If you are holding on to some past mistake, try meditating on the mantra:

• I Love You
• I’m Sorry
• Please Forgive Me
• Thank you
• I am Letting It Go